I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize