I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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