her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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