you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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