I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
