I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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