Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
