Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
