he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
