so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize