im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
