did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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