the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
