you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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