I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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