I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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