fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
