it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize