I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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