the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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