i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
