brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
