Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
