I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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