Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
