Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize