Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
