Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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