i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
