my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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