You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
