My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
