True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
