Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
