tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
