my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
