it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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