Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
