i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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