Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
