Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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