Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
