Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
