for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
