I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
