I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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