I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize