I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
