Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
