OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
