My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
