She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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