i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I haven't been this sober since birth.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
