Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's rum buckets o'clock
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
