Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
