She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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