I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
