So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You have to summon your inner elephant
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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