I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
