My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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