I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
