I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
