I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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