Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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