i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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