I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
