I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize