Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
