Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
