so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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