its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
