a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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