Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
