i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it because I queefed?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
