You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
