can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
