There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
