you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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