did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
