So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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